


Confessions and New Beginings

by SometimesJekyll_UsuallyHyde



Series: Good End: Is It Okay To Say I Love You Now? [1]
Category: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - Robert Louis Stevenson
Genre: Basically, Everyone Is Gay, Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hyde doesn't give a damn though, Internalized Homophobia, Jekyll is Bi, Jekyll is very insecure about his feelings and sexual preferences, Love Confessions, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Utterson is probably pan, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, What-If, only a little bit, so is Hyde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21856648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SometimesJekyll_UsuallyHyde/pseuds/SometimesJekyll_UsuallyHyde
Summary: The first in a series of one shots in which I shamelessly just want Jekyll and Hyde to not die and be happy with their boyfriend (by which I mean Utterson, of course).This is a What-If/Alternate Universe in which Jekyll actually confesses the truth behind his actions and Hyde's existence to Utterson after the Carew incident.
Relationships: Edward Hyde & Henry Jekyll, Edward Hyde/Gabriel John Utterson, Henry Jekyll/Gabriel John Utterson
Series: Good End: Is It Okay To Say I Love You Now? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1574653
Comments: 12
Kudos: 81





	Confessions and New Beginings

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fanfiction in years and apparently this is what I come back with XD
> 
> I have an undying obsession with RLS's Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde so this was bound to happen eventually.
> 
> I would also like to start off by saying every fanfic I write for this novel will include a formal apology to Robert Louis Stevenson for doing this to his characters x'D (I regret nothing though).
> 
> Anyway this is the first sort of "scene setter" for the series, a cute 'love confession' fic that leads into other shorts detailing Jekyll (and Hyde's) blossoming romance with Utterson.

_“I’m bored, Jekyll.”_

It was a phrase the doctor had heard his other half mutter far too many times within the past few days; and if he were to be completely honest, he was starting to echo those same sentiments.

“I know, but we- _I’ve_ been ordered strict bed rest until I recover.” Jekyll’s voice was exasperated, both tired of repeating the same answer to Hyde and sick of hearing it spoken to himself, either by Poole or Utterson.

The thought of his loyal servants and dear friend brought a soft smile to the older gentleman’s face. A face that no longer seemed quite so hollowed out and pale due to lack of food, sleep and psychological turmoil that threatened to consume his very being; and it very nearly had. Weakened in both body and mind Jekyll had felt his very existence fading and being consumed by Hyde’s much stronger sense of self and steadfast desire.

Those constant phrases of; “You must stay in bed until you recover” or “You must keep up your rest” might have grown tiresome, but they were laced with genuine concern and kind intentions. Jekyll understood that now.

The entire situation had come about after Hyde’s downright heinous actions of murder. Jekyll had felt a broken man. Tortured, knowing it had been his own fault that Hyde had grown so deeply frustrated at his own denial. The good doctor had honestly thought that was the end; he grew weaker and more woeful with every day that passed. It grew to such a point that even Hyde –who had until that point wanted to project nothing but rage toward his creator- had begun to show signs of worry for his wellbeing. So when Poole announced one evening that Utterson had come to visit him Jekyll had been torn; would he lie through his teeth and claim everything was fine? Or would he confess? Confess everything from the very beginning of Edward Hyde’s creation to his latest misdeeds. Unintentionally, it ended up being the latter; and Jekyll was convinced Hyde had a hand in it. The doctor at long last broke down and confessed to his most trusted friend everything he had done; all the wrong doings and the very existence inside him that was known as Edward Hyde.

He could still see Utterson’s shocked face in his mind; it was terrified, astounded but most of all it was so very concerned.

What struck Jekyll the most about the entire situation had been Hyde’s actions. The devious younger man using Jekyll’s weakness to forcibly transform right then and there before Utterson’s eyes. Only this time, it wasn’t out of malice; nor was it out of the desire to scare Utterson half to death. Though he very nearly succeeded if the look of terror on the lawyers face was anything to go by. No. This time it was out of desperation.

Weak from the transformation and not bothering entirely to fix his dishevelled appearance the small man lurched out of the chair Jekyll and been resting in and grasped the front of Utterson’s jacket tightly until his knuckles had almost gone white. He couldn’t bring himself to look Utterson in the eye when he rasped out a singular plea:

“Please save him. For god’s sake Utterson you’re the only one that can.”

It was the first and only time the doctor had ever heard Hyde use the word please; let alone hear his voice full of such desperation.

After that both Jekyll and Hyde remembered very little; having begun to lose consciousness from the effort of the transformation in such vulnerable state. The next clear memory the two had was waking in Jekyll’s bed; Hyde once again back in the recesses of the doctor’s consciousness.

In those early days of rest that followed that first morning Jekyll was embarrassed to recall he had tried to run away and hide back inside the laboratory study. Out of shame. Out of guilt. Out of desperation to escape his inner demons that stemmed only from himself and not Hyde as he had so frequently tried to believe they did. His servants; lead by Poole, would have none of it and would sometimes forcibly escort him back into his home and to his sleeping quarters. The doctor held his head in his hands, face burning crimson when he recalled the night even Utterson had to assist them. His dear friend quiet literally carrying him back to the safety of his home after he had point blank refused to get out of the chair in the laboratory. It was... not one of Jekyll’s finer moments.

_“But it was ever so delightful being carried by him though...”_

Hyde’s sing-song voice immediately snapped Jekyll out of his train of thought; face looking downright appalled and ever so slightly guilty. Knowing Hyde was not entirely wrong. There was a sense of comfort and security at being carried in such a way...

 _“The word you’re searching for is intimately.”_ Hyde grinned.

“N-No! The word is kindly! Like a mother would gently carry a child back to bed after nightmarish visions.” Jekyll was painfully aware his voice had started to crack and sound like a petulant child halfway through his vain attempts of explanation.

_“Whatever helps you sleep at night doctor, we both know I’m right.”_

Jekyll didn’t repress the sigh that slipped past his lips. His relationship with Hyde had drastically improved since their confinement to bed rest. They talked... and fought, but eventually somehow ended up back to their previous amicable relationship. They never truly saw eye to eye that was for certain, but they also couldn’t really function without each other either. Hyde reminded them to have fun and indulge. Jekyll reminded them to be reasonable and cautious. Which reminded Jekyll, something about Hyde’s comments bothered him.

“I was always under the impression you were not particularly fond of Utterson.” Jekyll said, not really asking but more so musing aloud.

Jekyll could feel Hyde shrug internally, _“I only found him bothersome because he kept prying into our relationship all the time. I thought we’d be found out and you wouldn’t let me out at night anymore.”_

“So you do like him then?” Jekyll quizzed.

Hyde chuckled at that, _“I like him as much as you do. Which is to say if he so invited me I’d be happy to bed him... Or have him take me against a wall. I’m not fussy about the location really.”_

“HYDE!” Jekyll all but shouted at his other self, “Do not be so vulgar! Also, I would never think such a thing-!”

 _“You say that but I’m an extension of your own desires if you’ll recall,”_ Hyde leered, _“Also, need I remind you I have access to most of your memories so I know all about your little erotic fantasies from your university days. Some of them are particularly thrilling. One of my personal favourites is the one where you-“_

“Alright that’s quite enough from you!” Jekyll cut off, anger and embarrassment fuelling his rage, “You can disrespect me all you want but I will not stand you doing so to a dear friend of mine!”

Hyde just giggled, “ _Friend, he says...”_

Jekyll couldn’t help the growl of frustration that welled up in the back of his throat, gripping the bed sheets hard from where he sat in his bed. At a discreet cough Jekyll’s gaze whirled toward the door where Poole was now standing; looking a little confused and uncomfortable.

“Poole, my dear man. What is the matter?” Jekyll tried his best to keep his voice neutral.

“Sorry to bother you sir, but Mr Utterson is here to see you again. Is it alright if I send him up to see you?” the butler asked politely, valiantly ignoring the previous scene of his master seemingly yelling at himself.

“Of course,” the doctor replied, the smile a sincere one.

 _“Please do. We might finally get him into bed tonight.”_ Hyde answered alongside him, making the smile on Jekyll’s face twitch ever so slightly in annoyance.

With a polite nod, Poole exited the room and closed the door softly. Jekyll slumped back in his bed, leaning against the rather ornate iron bedhead.

 _Hyde_ , Jekyll addressed his other half internally, _Please behave yourself while Utterson is here. No forcibly transforming, am I clear?_

 _“Fine. Fine,”_ Hyde grumbled, _“Next time he visits I want a turn though.”_

 _If you can promise not to brazenly attempt to seduce him I might agree to it_ , Jekyll responded.

_“So that’s a no then.”_

_Edward! Good lord, show some restraint; and respect might I add!_ Jekyll berated the young man.

He caught Hyde’s reflection in the glass of water on his nightstand and his other half just grinned like a naughty child. For the second time that evening Jekyll held his head in his hands and sighed heavily. There was no winning against Hyde; his motives were just a manifestation of Jekyll’s own desires, no matter how vehemently he denied it.

“Are you two fighting again?” Utterson’s familiar voice floated toward Jekyll’s ears and he glanced up to his friend making his way into the room.

Jekyll just smiled, “Somewhat. It’s nothing serious this time.”

Sensing the honesty behind his words Utterson simply replied; “If that’s the case then I’ve nothing to worry about,” he paused momentarily before adding gently, “how are you feeling today, Henry?”

“I’m doing very well,” Jekyll replied, “the best I believe in quite some time. I should like to think I might be freed of this prolonged bed rest soon. I’m getting terribly bored.”

“As is Mr Hyde I presume,” Utterson chuckled, “that said I’m glad to see you doing so well. It seems like only days ago you appeared so frail.”

“If it wasn’t for yourself and my servants I fear I likely would still be,” Jekyll replied before adding, “truly, if you hadn’t come to me that evening I daren’t think what would have become of me... or Hyde for that matter. He still has a lot to answer to though.”

“Well we won’t dwell on the terrible what if scenarios,” Utterson’s face became serious all of a sudden after that; “Mr Hyde is still largely a wanted man. Rumours have spread like the plague among the streets of London about his implication in the... _incident_.”

Utterson had chosen his words carefully, so as to not upset the doctor but Jekyll couldn’t supress the look of fear and disgust on his face, arms wrapping around his chest tightly as if they could protect him from those horrid shared memories.

“I keep telling him as much,” Jekyll attempted to school his features into something more pleasant but his voice betrayed him, “despite that he still thinks once I’ve recovered he’ll be able to roam the streets again as if nothing happened.”

“Forgive me for the strange question; but he can hear me presently can’t he?” Utterson asked suddenly.

The question took Jekyll by surprise but he replied none the less; “He can indeed.”

“Then Mr Hyde, please heed my words well,” Utterson began, “it would be most ill-advised for you to be traversing the streets. You’d best lay low for the following months while the initial search for the perpetrator is in full swing. I say this as a lawyer and a friend who would hate to see both yourself and Henry behind prison bars.”

“I sincerely hope he heeds your words Gabriel because he certainly won’t listen to mine.” Jekyll said, exasperation evident in his voice.

 _“Tell him if he agrees to bed me I’ll lay as low as he wants.”_ Hyde quipped.

 _I will do no such thing._ Jekyll immediately shot back internally.

“Perhaps if he hears it from enough people he might be inclined to change his mind.” Utterson replied in kind.

“I’d like to say he will but I’m afraid I can’t promise that,” Jekyll said, unconsciously gripping and his sides tighter, “As long as he can promise never to commit such a gruesome act again that would be enough for me.”

The concern and sympathy that appeared on the lawyers face went unnoticed by Jekyll, who had averted his gaze downwards and become lost to that scene of sheer violence and hatred. There had been blood; so much blood, and the sounds. The sounds were so terribly loud in Jekyll’s mind. His head quickly lifted up at the presence of a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Utterson sat on the side of his bed.

“It must be awful having such memories,” he began, “I’m not entirely sure what words to say. Doubtless anything I said would not be enough to erase them but I want you to know I’m here for you, Harry. If you even simply want to talk about it or sit like this as we are in comfortable silence.”

The silent tears that slid down the doctor’s face at those comforting words seemed to release with them a withheld tension. Jekyll wiped them away with a smile; “Honestly, I don’t know what I did to deserve such a great friend,” he said, voice a little shaky with emotion but with a happy tone that Utterson felt he hadn’t heard for a long time, “it reminds me of all those times I would work myself up into such a stressful state while studying at university and you would always be there as my voice of reason to calm me down.”

Utterson smiled softly at those memories; “every time you had an examination of some sort you’d become a bundle of nerves and self-doubt. I don’t know how many times I used to tell you how intelligent you were and that you should have more confidence in yourself and your skills.”

“Not much has changed it seems,” Jekyll laughed, “I try my hardest to appear the confident doctor but to be honest I still feel like that young boy more often than I’d like to admit.”

 _“By which you mean you still want him to pin you down and take you.”_ Hyde couldn’t resist but to add his own commentary.

Annoyed but also caught off guard by the comment Jekyll felt his face flush without warning which didn’t seem to go unnoticed by his friend.

“Henry are you alright? You suddenly look rather feverish,” Utterson asked, “Should I call someone?”

“N-No. I’m quite alright; Hyde is just being...” the doctor trailed off, realising too late that he couldn’t very well explain that Hyde was bringing up some rather inappropriate old memories.

“He’s not trying to forcibly make you change is he?” Utterson asked, genuinely concerned.

“Oh, no. It’s nothing like that, he’s just...” Jekyll gave up and decided to answer honestly, “He’s making me remember some of my more inappropriate memories from my time at university.”

 _“Not complete a lie. Nice save Doc.”_ Hyde acknowledged, vaguely impressed by Jekyll’s carefully constructed avoidance tactic.

At that confession Utterson laughed, although something about it sounded a little off to Jekyll. Something slightly false. “You often did get yourself into spots of trouble,” he reminisced, “I remember those times you’d sneak out at night and ask me to help create a ruse for your absence.”

“I feel as though I never quite apologised for making you do that,” Jekyll said, “you could have been in as much strife as me had it been discovered you helped me.”

“Indeed, but we got quite lucky as no one ever seemed to notice,” Utterson said, “I must confess I often wondered what exactly it was you did on those nights.”

Jekyll seized up a little at that remark, not entirely sure where the conversation was going and equally not sure that he wanted to find out.

“I know many of the others who snuck out would go see their lady friends,” he mused, “I’d even hear of some going to coffeehouses.”

“I-is that so, I wouldn’t know.” Jekyll said vaguely, “I’m not interested in engaging in such acts with someone of the same gender.”

“But I didn’t say what they did there.” Utterson said, perplexed.

Jekyll fought back the desire to slap his hand over his mouth, instead opting to purse his lips tightly together.

 _“You might as well have said; hey guess what I like men too.”_ Hyde cackled, far too amused with the situation.

 _You need to keep your mouth shut_! Jekyll hissed internally. Hyde just laughed at him.

“Come now Utterson, even I had heard that those coffeehouses were often used as molly-houses*,” Jekyll quickly tried to defend, “people loved to gossip, remember? Surely you had heard too.”

“I’m surprised you know what the term molly-house means since it’s not a term often used,” Utterson was giving him a very sceptical look now.

Jekyll could almost feel the blood draining from his face, he had to come up with a lie. Anything. Anything that could stop this awkward conversation and-

Wait a minute.

“You claim it’s not a common term and yet you seem to know it well,” Jekyll quizzed, trying to backfire the same question.

“I have a vast array of clients, some of which have had unfortunate scandals in such establishments.” Utterson’s reply was flawless; as expected of a lawyer Jekyll vaguely thought.

 _“Is there really any point in lying anymore? He’s got you caught Jekyll.”_ Hyde said before adding, _“He also doesn’t seem too bothered by it. Aren’t you curious as to why?”_

 _You’re only seeing the situation as you want to, there is no way Utterson has the same preferences as we do. You’d be deluded to think otherwise._ Jekyll snapped back.

 _“No need to get angry. You just don’t want to admit I might be right because you’re scared.”_ Hyde grumbled back, starting to get really annoyed with Jekyll lying to himself.

 _What would I possibly be scared of?_ Jekyll exclaimed.

 _“That he might be interested in men but not you.”_ Hyde said frankly.

Just like that all of Jekyll’s insecurities were forcibly placed before him on a metaphorical table; staring him in the face like a bad omen he couldn’t escape from. Hyde was right. He was terrified that the hidden love he had for his dear friend would be crushed and formally acknowledged as unrequited. By keeping it to himself Jekyll had at least been able to delude himself with the fact that Utterson wasn’t interested in men and thus he stood no chance regardless. But the thought of him simply not being interested in Jekyll himself was enough to break his now rather fragile heart.

“Henry? I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable; I’ve made a simple question go far too out of hand.” Utterson said, obviously noticing the internal turmoil his friend was once again facing.

Jekyll just shook his head, a shaky and self-depreciating laugh escaping him; “No you’ve done nothing wrong, my dear friend. I was a fool for thinking I could lie to you. You’re quite right, I’m familiar with the term because I did go to those coffeehouses sometimes. It wasn’t like that at first; I was just like all those other miscreants who would seek out the company of a woman for the evening.”

Jekyll paused, a strained and pathetic smile crossing his face as the words he had for so long bottled up continued to spill out; “However at some point during those times I found myself wondering what it would be like if my partner was a male. I supressed those thoughts for a long time; but eventually my resolve was shattered and I made the irrational decision to visit a molly-house; a coffeehouse I had heard whispered about. I tried to convince myself I was going simply to try and understand these unnatural feelings I had and that once I had sorted them out I could bury them; never to dwell upon them again. If I’m to be honest I don’t know if I ever truly succeeded for they have plagued my mind ever since; it has only been thanks to my sheer stubbornness that I have been able to conceal them all this time.”

Utterson looked shocked and taken aback at the sudden onslaught of the confession; Jekyll didn’t really blame him either. They’d known each other for donkey’s years and he was only just now admitting that he was indeed attracted to men. When the lawyer remained silent all Jekyll could say to him was; “I’m sorry for never telling you the truth.”

At the resounding silence Jekyll felt helpless and began thinking the concept of Hyde completely consuming his existence might not be so bad after all. Anything to avoid the shame and betrayal he had likely imposed on Utterson. Jekyll was expecting him to leave. Or perhaps even declare their friendship over; he certainly wasn’t expecting to be pulled into a rather tight –but pleasant- hug.

“Gabriel?” Jekyll was finally able to speak, the question behind his friends name evident.

When he was released from the hug Jekyll was surprised to see the relieved look on the other man’s face; but there was a nervousness behind it. “My dear Harry why didn’t you tell me such a thing sooner?” he asked.

Jekyll was about to answer him until Utterson spoke again; “if I’d have known I would have confessed much sooner.”

_Confessed!?_

_“Confessed!?”_

The word was thought simultaneously by both Jekyll and Hyde.

“I vowed to take it to my grave but I’m afraid now that there’s a chance I simply can’t withhold it any longer,” the lawyer grasped Jekyll’s shoulders gently; “I’ve been in love with you for far too many years, Henry. I know I shouldn’t be so bold as to think you would be interested in me simply because of your preferences; but I simply cannot-”

“I love you too!” Jekyll couldn’t help it; the words just came out on their own, or rather they were catapulted out with more power than necessary as Hyde echoed the words internally.

There was an incredulous look on Utterson’s face and it was an expression mirrored on Jekyll’s own; the latter who simply sat there unable to move and in shock of his sudden boldness.

Jekyll swallowed and continued, trying to keep calm this time, “I-I’ve felt the same way too. For years, since our days at university. I never confessed for fear of destroying our friendship and I value that so highly I just couldn’t risk losing you. It’s why I went to that coffeehouse, because I wanted to protect you from my own sinful desires.”

“I thought similarly myself, I treasured our friendship so greatly the thought of destroying it down right terrified me,” Utterson smiled at him again, “That’s why now, as we are; it feels like a dream. That you would feel the same way as I do was something I never thought possible.”

Jekyll fought valiantly to keep the tears from spilling from his eyes; both from joy and a bit of despair; “I fear I might wake up and it will all be over...”

The embrace this time was gentle and warm and the doctor found himself returning it, face buried into Utterson’s shoulder; trying to hide the blush that threatened to creep onto his ears and the tears that were now likely making a mess on the other man’s clean cut suit.

“I’m not the same as I used to be,” Jekyll murmured, at last voicing his worries; insecurities which in recent years seemed to have increased tenfold, “I’ve changed, in quite large ways.”

The doctor felt Hyde grin at that, knowing he was that very change. Jekyll couldn’t help the soft exhale of breath when Utterson began to softly stroke his hair, cradling Jekyll’s head in his hand as if it were a precious artefact; irreplaceable and adored.

“Change is inevitable, Henry. Even I’ve changed,” Utterson whispered soothingly, “I would not have confessed to you had I not have been prepared to accept those changes. I can promise you that I will treasure you as you are; including young Mr Hyde.”

_“What!?”_

“What!?”

The sentiment was echoed rather vocally from the two personalities.

Utterson just chuckled and moved so he could look the other in the eye, “Mr Hyde is a part of you, is he not? Then of course I would care for him as I care for you.”

Hyde for once it his relatively short existence was rendered speechless; no one had ever told him they care about him before. Jekyll hardly fared much better, trying to form words but nothing would come out. The doctor sat there, in disbelief and stunned; the feelings he wanted to convey seemingly too powerful for words. Until at long last he was able to come up with the only suitable sentence he could think of.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

Utterson simply replied with a delicate kiss to Jekyll’s forehead; “I believe that should be my question.”

A bashful smile worked its way onto Jekyll’s face at that. He wasn’t sure how easy this relationship would be. There were a great number of forces against them; homosexuality was still punishable by law and then of course there was the fact Hyde was still a wanted man. But for the first time in far too many years Jekyll chose to ignore his doubts and simply relish in this almost serene moment of bliss. Of being able to hold the man he had for so long adored. Finally, it felt as though he could breathe...

_“So, is it too early to ask him to ravish us yet?”_

_HYDE...!_

**Author's Note:**

> * Molly-House was a term used in 18th- and 19th-century England for a meeting place for homosexual men. These meeting places were generally taverns, public houses or coffeehouses. (Description courtesy of Wikipedia)
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed! More one shots will be part of this series so keep an eye out for them; they'll be ranging anywhere from tooth rotting fluff to shameless smut.


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